My Love, My Addict
by foreverrobsgirl88
Summary: Addict: a person who is addicted to a particular substance, typically an illegal drug. Related terms: dependency, codependency. A love story tainted by addiction.
1. Chapter 1

Firstly, the characters and their likeness do not belong to me. They are all Meyer's babies and I'm just telling my story through them

Secondly, please be kind. This is something close to my heart that I have been working on and I'll be updating as quickly as I can once I feel the next chapter The prologue is the shortest chapter that I will publish, the rest have turned out significantly longer.

Any constructive reviews or thoughts are welcome during this process.

* * *

 **Prologue**

As I sit in the little waiting room at the hospital, all I can think is, how did we get here? How did he get here? Driven, smart, charming and beautiful, but he still chose this path. The man I fell in love with and the man that came home last night weren't the same person.

I heard the door opening and looked up to see a nurse, no older than myself, hesitantly enter the room the pastor had placed me in earlier.

"Ms. Swan? My name is Rebecca. Edward's doctor sent me out to speak with you."

"How is he? Did the Narcan finally work? I know it sometimes takes a few tries, but he is aw-"

"Ma'am. We haven't been able to revive him. He has a team working on him right now, but a lot of things are still unknown at this point. I think it's best family is contacted at this point. Do you need me to call them for you?"

I stood there, mouth wide, shocked. In disbelief. How am I supposed to tell the two best parents I know that their son relapsed. That he might be dying. That I couldn't save him.

To meet him, sober him, you would never knew what lay beneath. The thief. The liar. The manipulator. The fury inside. The depression. The self hate. The addict. Through it all, he was still my Edward, the man that I fell in love with back when we were 13. I just wish he could find that person again.


	2. Chapter 2

After reviewing what I have written already a few times, and thinking hard about the direction of the story, each chapter will be similar to how this one is written. Each will start with a snippet of the past, a happy memory or something important in Bella & Edward's relationship. I think to really understand how Bella is feeling you need to know their story before the drugs were involved in it. The next few chapters (not sure exactly how many as I have debated combining some of them) won't have much of Edward as this isn't a quick turn around for his health, but we will have a happy ending...eventually.

Oh, and obviously these characters aren't mine. Just S.M.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

 _16 years ago_

"Lauren, my dad will kill me if he finds out we call them!" I shouted.

"Bella. Listen. I can't call two boys on the phone by myself. I'll get your dad's cordless and bring it up. We are doing this!" I sighed, accepting defeat. She had met Jasper Cullen a few weeks ago in a neighboring town, apparently he had a brother which meant Lauren needed a friend to call them on the phone.

"Alright! Ready? Edward is just your type. All broody and weird. I just know you guys will get along!"

Of course, Lauren was right. After that night Edward I spoke every day, becoming each other's best friend at just 13 years old, when we were both still too young to know where things were headed.

 _Present_

His parent's and siblings were called, and we all now sat in the MICU waiting room in the hospital. I hadn't been allowed to see him yet, but they had allowed his parent's back briefly when he was still in the ER. His mom's words just kept cycling through my head " _not awake….not breathing….ventilator….unknown brain damage."_ Carlisle, his father, had hugged me, thanked me for getting him here on time. But had I? There were so many unknowns left at this point. Whether he would survive, and if he did, would he still be himself?

The silence in the room was almost deafening. My heart felt heavier than it ever had. We had been on this roller coaster for years. It was always the same. I would suspect he was using, find valid proof he had relapsed, we would fight and argue about it, he would overdose with a few hour stent in the Emergency Room, followed by him getting clean. We would be blessed with brief glimpses of real life, the real Edward, before the process started all over again. But this, this was different. I always hid his relapses from his family, did my best to protect him, because that was my job in all this; keep him alive, make sure he actually ate, protect his reputation, etc. The fact that I was sitting here with his family proved how different this time was.

As the day pushed forward, we were finally allowed back into his room. Walking in, every ounce of hope I had left in my body dissipated. There laid the love of my life, hooked up to every machine possible. His hair was a tousled mess, the scruff on his face had been shaved off to make room for the adhesive keeping everything attached. A stomach pump, breathing tube, and suctioning device all came out of him, a cooling blanket beneath him to help control his 106 degree fever, the central line placed in his neck supplying him with more medicine bags than I can count.

Edward always stood tall and confident, but in that bed he looked weak and sad. I stood in the corner just watching him and the machines as his parents spoke with the doctors coming in and out of the room. The overdose had caused him to aspirate his own vomit, that aspiration had caused a severe case of pneumonia as well as a generalized infection in his body. When he was brought into the ER, his oxygen levels were severely low as he wasn't breathing effectively on his own. Nobody knew how long he was not receiving oxygen before he was brought in, so we couldn't know whether there was brain damage yet. There was suspected muscle breakdown on his right side and his kidneys were shutting down which will likely result in dialysis.

"Bella, are you okay?" Esme asked me. She was always so positive and upbeat, but you could see the fear and worry written on her face.

"I'm fine Esme. Just processing. How are you? Is there anything I can do?"

"Just, scared honey. I don't understand. I'm so mad at him right now, but so scared that I'm never going to get to tell him that. I thought he was doing so well, he seemed like he was finally finding his place in life, that he was finally happy with everything. He's such a good man. I don't understand. I just wish I could understand" Esme finally broke down sobbing to me, unable to hold herself together any longer. I stepped back as Carlisle came over to her to console her, wishing that Edward was awake to hold me too.


	3. Chapter 3

As always, these characters don't belong to me. They just help me tell a story.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

 _13 years ago_

"Edward, you cannot seriously think you can convince me that Linkin Park is better than Slipknot? They aren't even in the same league as each other! Corey Taylor's vocals alone surpass anything that Bennington can do!"

Since that day on the phone, Edward and I had become the very best of friends. Despite the bickering we had so much in common, especially our love for music, both new and old.

"Bella, I don't know what to do with you sometimes. Come here and listen to their new song," Edward said as he held out his other ear bud for me to listen to. His mom and dad were both big shots in the business world in Port Angeles, so while I was still rocking my walkman, Edward had the newest iPod.

As I settled in next to him to listen to the song, I was suddenly hyper aware of our proximity of each other, the heat of our thighs touching and his breath hitting the side of my neck. I lifted my hand to push my hair behind my ear, and suddenly felt Edward's hand enclose mine, as well as the tingle of electricity in his touch.

"Wha-" as I turned my head, I saw Edward's face just inches from mine. His hazel eyes had a glimmer of something I wasn't sure of.

"Bella, do you feel this between us? I just want to try something. Tell me to stop if you want, but I have to know." I watched him as he licked his lips and slowly leaned into me, never breaking eye contact. It was tender, soft, and loving. Nothing like any of the kisses I had with Mike Newton. Edward cupped his hands on my cheeks and rested his forehead on mine, pulling his lips away. We looked into each other's eyes, both seemingly already knowing what this mean. We were right where we belonged.

 _Present_

"Bella, honey, I'm going to get Esme home. Are you okay here tonight? If not, I can come back."

"No, no Carlisle I'll be fine. You all get home, I could use the time alone in here anyway."

"Alright sweetie, you call if anything changes at all. Or if you need anything, don't you try to do this on your own, okay?"

"Got it. I'll be fine, but I'll keep you all updated on him if anything changes."

Carlisle and Esme said their goodbyes to Edward, as well as checking in with me multiple times and getting a list of things I would need from home since I wasn't planning on leaving. I pulled up my makeshift bed for the night as close to Edward as I could without being in the way, and got the pillows and blankets set up that the nurse had brought me.

I gave up sleeping at about 1 a.m. after tossing and turning, scared that if I fell asleep I might miss something or that something may go wrong. Looking at him with just a small corner light on, and the glow of the many machines in his room, I saw the softness of the man that I fell in love with so long ago, the sharpness of his jaw, the crook in his nose from when he broke it playing baseball in college, the messy auburn hair passed down from his mom, and the long fingers that had spent so many years laced through mine. But then, I could also see the signs of his years of on and off drug use, the scars scattered across both of his arms and hands from needles breaking off, and his busted veins.

"Edward, I don't know if you can hear me. I hope that you can, because I need you to. I know that this isn't you. I know you are more than an addict, more than this disease, and more than a statistic. You are strong, loving, kind, and meant for so much. You are the smartest man I've ever met, and I know your future is so bright. You just have to stop getting in the way. Stop sabotaging yourself, stop sabotaging us. I know you are strong enough to come out of this. Please don't give up. Don't let this relapse be what takes you away from me," I sobbed, telling him everything that I wish he could hear and take in when conscious, "Do you have any idea how much we all love you, how much we all need you here? You have to fight right now Edward. You have to fight now so that you can come back to us. Then you have to fight to stay here with us. Please, please, please Edward, come back to me."

I sat there holding his hand in mine until the early morning. Watching his stats, specifically his temperature that didn't want to budge from 106 degrees, was the only thing I could stay focused on. Doctors and nurses started filtering in and out of the room after 7 a.m., getting blood work and taking chest x-rays, still not able to give me a definite answer to anything. I found out they would be calling in an infectious disease specialist since they couldn't get his fever down to at least a semi-normal range.

"Esme, Carlisle I'm so glad you are here. Have you heard from Rosalie and Jasper? Neither one of them of them been by yet."

"Rosalie will be up later once she gets off from work, Jasper I'm not sure. You know he doesn't do well with feelings. What did the infectious disease doctor say?" Esme spoke while looking at all the stats coming up on the machines in the room.

"They are going to take a sample of what is in his lungs to see if it is an infection caused by aspirating, or if it is a more severe infection. They have him on constant IV antibiotics to try and kick the infection and they are finally giving him acetaminophen in conjunction with keeping the cooling blanket underneath him. The pneumonia is a severe case in his right lung, and mild in his left lung. Right now, the best we can do is wait. We won't know anymore about brain function until they start decreasing his sedation."

"Then that's what we will do. Wait. As long he is working on getting better, that's all that's important right now. No rush. You hear that Edward, no rush. You just let your body heal so you can wake up for us."

* * *

 **Author's Notes:**

Please, please if you're reading this, review! I see you all visiting, your feedback is important to me! I'm still actively writing this story, and reviewing things before I post them and want to hear from you! I appreciate the messages I've received from some of you as well as those you have favorited/followed. :)


	4. Chapter 4

This one got a little lengthy, but splitting it up didn't feel right. As always, the characters don't belong to me. Enjoy :)

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

 _13 years ago_

"OH. MY. GOD. Bella. He kissed you! Like actually kissed you! I can't believe. After all this 'we're just friends' and now you're making out with him. I could die right now," Lauren rambled, practically screaming into my ear.

"Lauren, shut up. I don't know what it was really."

"Okay, so what did it feel like?"

"It was intense. Like, there was no nervousness, it just felt right. And I really hope it happens again. After the kiss, we had this moment where everything felt just perfect. And then I got scared and made him leave. So I don't really know what to do now."

"Well, lucky for you, I already have plans at Jasper's house, so you'll be coming along so you can talk to him."

"Lauren, I can't just show up there."

"You can and will, meet me at my house in 10 and we can ride over together." Lauren hung up her phone before I even had a chance to argue.

The ride to their house was quiet, well, on my side at least. Lauren kept going on and on about how we could double date now, and how she always knew she had been right about our relationship. I kept trying to figure out what to say when I saw him, and what I wanted. Was dating Edward really worth losing our friendship? He was my best friend and I hated the idea of losing him, no matter how that kiss felt.

Lauren and I walked right into the house, after noticing that their parent's weren't home. Jasper met Lauren at the door and started kissing her in a way that always made me a little uncomfortable.

"Is Edward in his room?" I asked, interrupting their impromptu makeout session.

"Oh hey Bella. Didn't see you there. Yeah he's up there. He's been in a weird funk all day though so good luck," Jasper responded. As I turned to go upstairs I could hear Lauren filling Jasper in on the events from the day before. I should have known not to trust her to keep it quiet.

When I got to the top of the stairs I stopped, staring at Edward's door straight ahead. It was closed and I could hear music blaring from inside. At some point I had slowly made my way to the door, but stood there for an unknown amount of time wrangling my fingers through one another. Do I knock now? Normally I would walk right in and make myself comfortable, but this felt different. I looked down, deciding that my nerves had won and I would just get Lauren to take me home, when the door opened, jerking my eyes back up.

Edward stared at me with a look of confusion and expectation as I took the time to really look at him. His auburn hair was a mess, as always, he had a pair of sweatpants on and a muscle shirt adorned with his school's team mascot causing his bicep muscles to be on full display. He was an athlete and his dedication to sports showed on his body. My face heated up and turned red at the realization that I was effectively gawking at him.

"Um, c-can we talk," I finally managed to stammer out.

"Yeah, come on in," he responded. I walked in, not knowing if it was suddenly weird to sit on his bed, but without any other options I took a seat. Edward opted for the other side of the bed, keeping his distance.

"About last night, look I want to apologize. I know I didn't exactly handle that very well. I just panicked," I looked everywhere but at Edward while I spoke, "We're friends and I don't want to lose that."

"Bella, can you look at me please? I can't tell what you're thinking if I can't see your face." I looked up at him to see his sad eyes there, where just last night they were filled with excitement and desire. "If you don't feel that way about me then fine, we can move past it. But if you do, I need you to know how I feel. That kiss was everything that I've wanted but have been too afraid to do. I didn't realize how much I wanted more until you started seeing Mike Newton last year. I tried to brush it off like maybe I was just jealous that my best friend was spending so much time with someone else, but every time he kissed you I wanted to rip him off you."

I could feel my body shaking as he slowly moved closer towards me, "I can't promise this will work, but I can promise you that this is what I want. I want to kiss you and hold your hand, I want to put my arm around you when we walk through the store together, and I want to tell anyone that will listen that you're my girlfriend. I want that BECAUSE you're my best friend and you are the person I trust most in this world. So the real question is how do you _feel_ Bella, this isn't about what your mind is telling you,"

"I, I want all those things too Edward. What if this ruins our friendship though?"

"We won't let it. We make a promise right now that our friendship always comes first."

Searching his eyes to see the sincerity there and for once listening to my heart instead of my mind, I knew what I had to do, "Okay. I promise to always put our friendship first. Your turn."

"Promise," Edward said as he slid right next to me, "Now can we can redo that kiss from last night? I need it to end without one of us being shoved out a door," he asked with a devilish smirk.

"Absolutely," I responded.

 _Present_

The next few days passed in a blur. Edward's temperature finally came down, meaning that his body could finally rest, and his kidneys began functioning again. There were so many doctor's coming in and out that I could barely keep track of who did what. His respiratory therapist came in twice a day to 'exercise' his lungs so that when the doctors gave the go ahead we could try and get him to breathe without depending on his ventilator. For three days it was the same routine, his family came and went, bringing me food and clothes to change into. Everyday, someone would try their best to convince me to leave, but I stayed put, knowing that he needed to hear my voice, and that I needed to be here in case they decided to wake him up.

It was late on that third day when Rosalie and Jasper both decided to come visit. Jasper had yet to visit, even though he and Edward were so close, so it was a relief to see him there.

"Can I ask what happened Bella? He overdose, obviously, but nobody has really told me what happened exactly," Jasper looked at me inquisitively.

"Well, I guess we should start with the evening before. He left to go to a meeting, but was gone for hours. Before he even got home I knew he was coming home high, I could hear it in his voice, and recognized the pattern. He walked in the door mumbling about things that didn't make any sense, and being extra affectionate for no reason. I could tell he had done a lot, so I stayed up that night until about 2 a.m. just to make sure he was okay. I would wake him up every 10 minutes or so just to be sure he was still responsive. I finally felt comfortable going to sleep around then, and didn't wake back up until 7 when his alarm for work went off," I paused, preparing myself to say the worst of it because it would flood back the image I was fighting to get rid of, "I turned the lamp on next to the bed, because he wasn't waking up to me speaking, but I could hear his heavy breathing. When I looked at him he was on his right side, in the exact position I had seen him in when I fell asleep, and there was vomit and snot all over his face and our bed. It took me a second to really register what I was seeing, so I started to shake him and that's when I noticed that his skin was cold. His lips were blue and so were his fingers, that's when I called 911 and he was transported here." Telling the story had yet to get any easier and I could feel the tears streaming down my face.

"But why?" Jasper asked, "He had a year this time, why now? I don't understand it. He seemed like he was happy. He was doing well at work, he had finally regained some trust with Mom and Dad, and you all seemed to be getting along. I don't understand what would have made him feel like this was a good decision."

"I don't know Jasper, I wish I knew. I wish any of us knew, then maybe we could help more."

"Bella," Rosalie interjected, "you know better than any of us that this isn't a choice we can make for him, he has to make it himself. This isn't something we can solve, he has to constantly make the decision to do what he needs to do to stay sober and there's nothing you or I could do about it."

"I know Rose. I just want so badly to fix him and I can't."

"I know you do honey. You've been so good for Edward through the years. When I came home from college for his Junior Prom, I could see the bond you all had. But it's not your problem to solve, it's his."

Jasper and Rosalie stayed for a few hours catching up with Edward's condition and keeping me company in the hospital room. Dr. Weber, his primary physician on the floor, came in during their stay to tell us that they would be waking Edward up by slowly decreasing the sedatives keeping him asleep. Once he had some level of awareness, they would attempt to assess his brain function.

The next morning, his nurse Leah came in and gave me an overview of how the day would go.

"I am going to spend the next 6-10 hours slowly decreasing his sedation medications. The first one I will stop immediately because it is long acting so it will need some time to work its way out of his system. Starting an hour after that, I will start to slowly lower the dosage of the other sedative every 15 minutes, until we have him completely weaned off. And finally, the last one is a quick acting sedative. So we don't startle awake I will take a few hours to decrease that down to a state where he can be awoken or wake on his own. It's important that if at any time during this process he wakes up and we are not here, you do your best to keep him calm and hit his nurse button. If he yanks the ventilator tube out of his mouth it is going to cause a lot of damage that will make his healing process more difficult. Do you have any questions?"

"Not necessarily about the process, but do you think we will be able to keep him awake today? Or get him off of the ventilator?"

"Well, it really depends on him at this point. If we can wake him and he is willing to listen and do what we ask, then we will likely keep his sedation low so he can be awake enough to take direction. His respiratory therapist says he can turn off the machine whenever we can get him awake, he believes he should be able to breathe on his own at this point, depending on his awareness. This is really all about us responding to what he and his body are going to allow. He could be off the ventilator today, or it may be a few days." Leah explained.

The next few hours went just as Leah had explained. After explaining what was going to happen the remainder of the day, Esme and Carlisle came up to the hospital for support and to be there if they were able to wake him up. As his sedation levels got lower he started to make movements or noises anytime someone would speak in the room, if you touched his hand, which were all good signs according to his doctor and nurse.

Just after dinner, it was decided to cut Edward's sedation back to the final dosage so the nurse could begin to wake him and see how willing he was to follow directions. Esme, Carlisle and I stood towards the back of the room, gripped with fear as we watched the nurses do their work. After a few minutes of being spoken to, we saw Edward's eyes pop open. His eyes bounced around the room nervously, while Nurse Leah calmly explained where he was. His eyes finally landed on us standing there and that seemed to calm him down. Leah asked him to do things like squeeze her hand, blink his eyes and if he could lift his arm at all. Although delayed, he followed every request she asked of him. Esme and I both had tears running down our faces as this all happened, our fears of him being severely brain damaged slowly disappearing.

"Alright Edward, I'm going to leave you awake for a while and your family will be in here with you. I need you to make sure you understand that you cannot pull on the tube in your mouth. Squeeze my hand if you understand. Good, good." Leah then turned to us, "Make sure you all stay calm with her. Speak low and soft and don't forget the call button. I'm going to call respiratory now and see how they want to proceed from here."

Leah left the room leaving us there with Edward. His eyes welled up with tears as we all walked over to surround him. Never did I imagine that seeing those beautiful hazel eyes open would bring me so much relief as it did in this moment.

* * *

Edward is almost awake (!), we will make the transition out of the hospital next chapter. To clarify, Bella and Edward are both 29. Thank you to everyone who has been following/reviewing/etc. As a first timer, your response means so much! Until next time…


	5. Chapter 5

**As always, these characters don't belong to me.**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

 _10 years ago_

The humidity of the August air clung to us all, causing a sticky sweat to cover my body. The annual back to school party at Edward's fraternity was in full swing and it felt good to be back after my summer spent at home. Edward's arms snaked around my waist as his sloppy, drunk kisses ran up and down my neck.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. I don't think I'll ever get over the taste of your skin, especially when you're all hot and sweaty," he murmured into my ear before moving back down to kiss my shoulder.

"You're drunk," I said as I pulled away and turned around to face him, stumbling in the process.

"So you are," catching me by the elbow and pulling me back closer to him, "You know I can't keep my hands off of you."

"I know. I'm just glad to be back without my Dad hovering over us every time your hands come into contact with my skin. I missed the freedom."

"Me too my love, me too. Now, I spot a game of beer pong in the corner. Let's go show these guys how badass my girl is," he stated as he pulled me across the lawn, both of us laughing as he did.

As the night wore down, Edward and I found ourselves alone lying on grass just beside the large house. My head on his chest and his around me absently playing with my hair, we stared at the stars above.

"What do you think our lives will be like, once we get out of school I mean. Back to Forks, or someplace more exciting and bigger?" I asked Edward, the alcohol in my blood making me sleepy and my head light.

"Well, I say we stay local. Maybe Seattle, that way we aren't so far we can't visit our families, but far enough that we can start our own little life. That will give me the city life I need to become a kick ass cop, and eventual Detective, and you the chance to put that degree to use and go into publishing," rising up to lean on his elbow he leaned over me, "Then we can get married and have lots of mini-me's and mini-you's running around the house we buy."

"Define lots?" I asked, raising my eyebrows, "because you'll likely only get two out of me."

"Well, I was thinking 5," he murmuring into my lips.

"You're insane!" I exclaimed giggling and pushing against his chest, "What makes you think I want to have your babies anyway? They'll just be wild little things who are too stubborn to listen to me."

"Oh baby, I know you do. You love me too much. I keep you wild, you keep me grounded, what else could anybody need?" Edward kissed me gently, "I would kiss you more, but I'm going to lay back so I don't pass out. I think I took too many shots earlier."

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much, having to hunt you don't after every party last year, just to find you passed out, isn't the greatest end to my nights."

"Aw baby. We're only young once. In a few years we'll be boring, by the book adults. Let's just have fun, mkay?" he flashed that dazzling smile at me that I could never resist, so I nuzzled back up to him knowing I wasn't going to get him up anytime soon.

 _Present_

The next week was filled with doctor's and family members floating in and out of his small hospital room. They had removed the breathing tube, and outside of his general body weakness and a slower response time, he was physically improving at a strong rate. We had barely spoke outside of him asking for help since he woke up. I still wasn't even sure why we hadn't spoke much, but we both seem hesitant around one another, which was such an alarming difference from where we normally were. Edward and I had only minimally spoken regarding the events leading up to his overdose, choosing to stay focused on his current day to day in order for him to get better.

Once he was medically cleared, the process began of him getting released. I wasn't sure that I was ready for us to be back 'home', it felt like going back home would be pretending that the situation never happened, and I was nervous we would fall back into our normal routine, glossing over the severity of what his overdose did to me and to this relationship. Nonetheless, I didn't seem to have a choice, at least not for right now. He needed a place to go where he could recover, and because of the layout of our home, that was the most convenient place for him to be and the easiest for him to get around in his weakened state.

I stepped out of his room, into the hallway, while the CNA helped him get a shower and changed. He would be discharged at some point today and was in a rush to make sure he was ready to go when they gave the go ahead. I saw Carlisle approaching, his parents had both resumed their normal work schedule once he had woken up, so I was surprised to see him there.

"Carlisle, hi, what are you doing here?" I asked, as I leaned into hug him, "There's not much going on today, we will just be going home at some point, but I'm not sure when that is right now."

"I figured you probably needed the help to get him home. I know how weak he still is, and I doubt you're packing the muscle to catch him if he were to fall walking." he responded with a chuckle.

"You're right. Has he told you much about what happened that day he used? We haven't been speaking, and I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't remember, or just doesn't want to talk."

"Not really. I've filled him in on the details that I could give him, based on what you told us, but he seems to just be taking the information in and processing it at this point. Edward can be reserved with his feelings, you are the only person he's ever been comfortable opening up to."

"Well, he isn't even doing that, so I'm starting to worry that maybe he doesn't understand the severity of what happening." Truth was I was exceptionally worried about how little he was speaking to anyone, unsure of what that truly meant for the situation.

"In time Bella, you have to give him time. We are all still working through our feelings right now, he is no exception. Once you get him home it may be easier. If you'd like, go ahead and head home. Relax, catch up on stuff you're behind on, whichever. I'll stay with Edward and get him home to you when he's released." Carlisle said with a look of concern on his face.

"Are you sure? I do need to run to the store and get some stuff moved from the upstairs to the downstairs for him."

"Yes Bella, I'm positive. Take a minute alone. You've barely left this hospital since it all started."

Just then, the CNA walked out from Edward's room, "He's all done. You all can go in."

I walked in to see Edward looking a little bit more like himself, He was sitting up in the chair next to his bed, dressed in a pair of black sweatpants and blue t-shirt, his hair clean and disheveled as always, and a clean shaven face. He smiled as he saw his father and I walk in.

"Edward, your Dad is going to stay here with you for a while so I can get a few things taken care of before you're released. He will bring you home. I've got everything packed up already, if you both can just be sure to grab it. I'll take what I can with me." I spoke quickly, avoiding eye contact with Edward as I bustled around the room grabbing as many bags as I could.

"Wait," Edward spoke, causing me to pause and look back at him, "You're leaving me? Will you be home when I get there?"

"Yes, of course I will. I'll be home when you get there, I'll see you soon."

I left the hospital, relishing the moment of just being for a moment as I left the warm sun hit my skin. Every time prior to this that I had left the hospital, I was in such a rush to get back that I hadn't truly taken advantage of the moments outside those sterilized walls. I quickly made my throw the grocery store, grabbing staples and things easy to cook for Edward when I wasn't home, as well as picking up the prescriptions that the hospital had sent out for him already.

Upon getting home, I cleaned the house up some, having let it fall to shambles during his time in the hospital, as well as bringing down Edward's personal items and some bedding to make up the couch for him. While Edward was able to get up and walk, he was winded very quickly, so taking the stairs to our bedroom and main bathroom wasn't a possibility, for which I was relieved. After that day, I wasn't sure I was ready to have him laying next to be in our bed.

"Bella! Its Carlisle, we're here," he yelled as he entered the house. I came down the stairs to help them get in, taking the bags from Carlisle so he could help Edward to the couch, "Edward, Bella, I'm going to head home. I want to meet Esme there and just update her on everything going on. Call us if you need anything at all. Edward you be careful and take it easy on our Bella." Carlisle leaned down to hug his son.

"Thanks for bringing me home Dad, I appreciate everything you've done for me and Bella this week." Edward said, hugging his father back.

"Yes, thank you Carlisle," I responded, as I walked him to the door, "I'll let you know if we need you. Now go home and rest."

I made myself busy the remainder of the evening, getting the clothes from the hospital washed and put away, and making Edward dinner. As the light turned dark, I heard Edward call for me. Entering the living room he was sitting up on the couch, with the tv off.

"Bella, I can tell you've been avoiding me, and I know things were tense at the hospital. But can you please sit down and talk to me?"

I stared at him for a few moments, seeing the sincerity in his eyes, finally deciding that I needed to sit and let him say what he needed to, no matter how much I was still struggling internally with the situation. I sat down on the chair next to the couch, so that I was close to him, but not close enough to give in to cuddling against him.

"I'm sorry if I've been distant Bella. I've just been grappling with my actions and what I did. I know I fucked up and destroyed everything that we had accomplished in the past year of my sobriety, including and most importantly the trust you had in me. I know I was just earning that back."

"Edward, can you just tell me why? I don't understand. You had a year." I was doing my best to stay calm and focused in this conversation, not allowing my emotions to run high.

"Bella, I wish I had an answer as to why. Things were going to so good for me and for us and our life. I just, I don't know. It's like no matter how good things are there is all this unhappiness sitting underneath. There's never a real reason why I feel the way that I do, I just do. No matter what I accomplish or do, I'm never happy with myself or the choices that I've made and I just need to escape that."

Listening to him speak, I felt every emotion boil up from beneath the surface. "Are you serious right now? You're unhappy so instead of seeking help, you go use? Do you not get that by using, your move all of YOUR hardships onto me. You make your feelings go away and give the stress, heartache, and worry to me. The person you supposedly love!" I rose up from my chair and started to pace across the living room, yelling, and crying my way through this, "I've loved you so long that I can't actually remember a time when I didn't but I can't be your emotional dumpster Edward! I have problems, and feelings, and issues too, but I can't ever address them because our entire life has been built around you and the fact that you can't face reality head on. I have never held anything against you while you've been strung out, but God. YOU WERE SOBER. You weren't dope sick. You were just so damn selfish!"

"Bella, it's not fair and I know that. I swear I do," Edward stood up walking towards me, "I promise I can do better I know I can. I'll make this right." He placed his hands on my shoulders, his eyes showing sadness.

"I wish I could believe you, but I can't, not anymore. It's always the same story. The same apologies, but it never changes and you never do anything different. I'm always waiting for the next relapse and I'm so tired of living my life that way," Edward reached out to put his arms around me, but I backed away from him. "This is you last chance with me Edward. You are the love of my life, and there's nobody else I could ever want, but if I don't see something different, and see it soon, I have to move out."

And with that I left to go upstairs, knowing that he couldn't follow me. I'd always love Edward, but I couldn't keep living a life where he continually dragged me down. I layed in bed crying at my realization that I would have to leave him. But what other choice did I have? I would give him another chance, because I loved him too much not to, but this would be the last one that he got from me.

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Let me know what you all are thinking! Going forward this is going to be heavily focused on both their individual mental recovery, as well as their recovery as a couple. This chapter took some time to get right, so I appreciate your feedback. Until next time :)


	6. Chapter 6

**As always, these characters don't belong to me.**

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 **Chapter 5**

 _7 years ago_

"I'd like to congratulate the graduating class of 2010! You did it!" Edward stood up and turned around searching for me in the stands. I sat with his family, stupidly happy, that he was finally graduating. I had been forced to drop out two years ago, when Charlie's health had declined, and he needed help keeping up with the house. That in no way deterred my happiness. Edward had worked so hard for his degree.

His family and I waited outside for the graduates to exit the building. I saw him walking through the crowd, before I heard his voice. Six years together, and just the sight of this man got still got my heart racing. We all hugged and congratulated him, taking pictures along the way. We were all meeting at a restaurant later in the day to celebrate, but had split off during the down time. Edward and I walked to a local park that we were always fond of. We had found it when I still attended school here, and frequently visited it anytime I came up to see him.

Edward and I sat down at a bench facing the playground, me snuggled into his side. I looked up at him, a smile beaming across my face as I spoke to him.

"Edward, I am so proud of you. I know how much you wanted to come home and help when Charlie got sick, but I'm so happy you stayed and finished."

"I stayed for us, you know that. I want our lives to be awesome, and now that I have my degree, I'll eventually be able to support us both so that you can go back. But for now, Charlie still needs you, so we will stay in Forks until he gets better. Is he still fighting you about changing his diet?"

"Of course," I chuckled, "The man had a heart attack and wants to still eat whatever he wants. I think Jacob has been sneaking him food. I found a fast food bag under his bed the other day, Dad pretended like he didn't know where it came from, and Jacob is the only one who would do it."

"Bella, I'm so proud of you baby."

"For what Edward? This is your day." I asked, confused as to why he would be proud of his college dropout girlfriend working in an office everyday.

Edward cupped my cheek, running his thumb across, "Bella, I'm proud of you for taking care of Charlie, I know how hard it was for you to leave school, I know how much you always loved it, but you did it because he needed you. That's one of the things I love about you, how much you want to take care of everybody. And you did all of it without ever complaining, and still supporting me along the way. You're amazing."

"I'm not amazing, I did what I had to. Now stop making this about me," I said standing up, "You, my esteemed college graduate, have to celebrate today. What do you want to do?"

"My choice?" He asked, with a smirk on his face.

"Yes. Your choi-." I stopped when he flipped me over his shoulder.

"What hotel are you at? We've got some celebrating to do!"

A few hours later we emerged from my room, heading out to meet his family for dinner. Smiles on our faces, content with life. My life certainly wasn't where I anticipated it would be four years ago when I graduated high school, but I was glad to have Edward by my side. At dinner that night, Edward told his parent's of his plans to find work in Forks and get an apartment there so he could be closer to me. Leaving Forks wasn't an option for me until Charlie was more independent, and Edward said that we couldn't continue to be apart. I was glad that I was going to have him close, but worried that he was giving up too much for me. Forks was small, with a small police force, which left little room for Edward to work, much less make progress in what was his dream. He said it was temporary, calming both his parent's and my own worries. That once Charlie was strong enough to be on his own that we would move to the city and pursue our dreams.

Towards the end of our meal, I noticed Edward rubbing his shoulder, while a wince crossed his face.

"You okay?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. It's fine. I hurt it playing baseball with the guys the other day. It's nothing major, you know how sensitive it's been since my shoulder surgery. The doc gave me some pain medicine to take until it's finished healing. It's just starting to wear off."

I nodded my head, knowing this was a common occurrence. I'd never known his to take anything for his shoulder before though, so I was worried that it may be more hurt than he was letting on, but I kept quiet, not wanting to ruin his day.

 _Present_

I woke up the next day, still upset, but at peace in a way. As upsetting as our argument had been, it felt good to get at least a little bit off my chest. I knew that Edward and I needed to have a real conversation about what our future looked like. We had tried so many paths to recovery, but nothing ever seemed to truly work, so I know we needed new plans to give him the best chance at real recovery for himself. I took my time getting ready that morning, unsure of how Edward would be feeling this morning. After getting out of the shower, I noticed the time, realizing that Edward's physical therapy appointment was in just an hour and I would likely need to help him in the shower.

As I came down the stairs, not only did I see that Edward was already dressed, I noticed that both Carlisle and Esme were sitting in our living room, talking in hushed tones.

"Hey, I didn't know you all were stopping by today. I've got to get Edward to physical therapy soon," I said, leaning in for a hug from Esme.

"Actually, Carlisle is going to take Edward to physical therapy. I thought we could talk," Esme responded. I looked over to Edward whose head was hung, avoiding looking at me.

"Okay. Edward is that what you want?"

His eyes finally met mine, and I could see the hurt there, but he just muttered a simple "yes."

I gathered his referral paperwork and handed it to Carlisle, giving him instructions on where the doctor's office was located. After seeing them off, Esme and I sat down at our kitchen table with cups of coffee.

"Bella, honey, I want you to know first and foremost, that Carlisle and I love you. Edward may be our son, but we aren't blind to his faults and the things he has put you through. I'm sure there is a lot we don't know, but just what I do know of hasn't always been fair to you. You are just as much a part of this family as my biological children are and I don't want you to forget that."

"So I assume that Edward told you about our fight last night?" I asked, entirely too interested in what was going in inside of my coffee cup.

"Yes, honey. But we aren't mad at you for it. If anything, if you are hurting that much, I'm proud of you. You had a right to say those things, and to put your foot down. I want to apologize for not realizing how much you were hurting. You have always been so strong, it never occurred to me that you were hurting more than any of us in all this," Esme placed her coffee cup down, reaching into her bag to get something out and sliding over a card to me. "This is a therapist that I've been seeing. You don't have to go, but seeing her really helped me through my own personal pain not only with his addiction, but with everything. None of this is easy, but we don't have to deal with it alone."

"I don't know Esme. I don't feel right talking about all of this to other people. It feels like I'm betraying him somehow."

"Just think about it sweetie. You've always taken on so much when it comes to the people you love, I really think this could be helpful. Seeking help for your own state of mind doesn't take away how strong you are. Have you ever looked down on Edward for getting help?" Esme asked.

"Of course not. He's an addict, he needs help. Recovery doesn't happen alone, we all know that."

"That's just my point Bella. You aren't the addict, but you can't tell me that you've made it through his addiction unscathed, that you've never felt responsibility for things you know you shouldn't feel responsible for. That's what talking to someone is for. You. Taking the time to help yourself for once, instead of only thinking about others."

I sat there, quietly, unsure of what to say. Of course his addiction had taken its toll on my mind, that much was obvious from me yelling at Edward last night. I decided that for Esme, I would at least go once and see how it went. At least then I could tell her I went, and her feel better about it. I hated to disappoint her by not even attempting it, knowing that she herself went.

As the day wore on, I called to make an appointment with the therapist that Esme had recommended. They could see me at the end of the week. Edwards called briefly letting me know that he would be home shortly and that he had something he wanted to discuss with me.

Since it was nearing dinner time, I began to pull together a meal for Edward and I while we spoke, knowing that we both remained calmer when fully fed. I got together a meatloaf, knowing it was his favorite, a 'man's meal' he had always called it. As I was finishing up I heard Carlisle and Edward come through the front door.

Walking out of the kitchen and to the front door, I could see that Edward and Carlisle had obviously spent the day talking. They both looked worn, with both their eyes red and puffy. Edward was stoic in his emotions, always had been, but he seemed to have at least temporarily let that wall down for his dad that day.

"Sorry to interrupt guys, I made dinner, we have more than enough, would you like to stay Carlisle?"

"As much as I love your cooking, I'm going to have to decline. Esme is expecting me, besides, I think the two of you could probably use the time alone. Be kind to one another." Carlisle responded, quickly saying his goodbyes and giving his son a stern look.

"You ready to eat Edward?"

"You didn't have to cook Bella. I would have been fine fending for myself, but I appreciate it. Staying at the hospital so long made me appreciate your cooking."

"It's not a problem. We have to eat, right. Sit down and I'll make your plate, I'm sure you're worn out after today." I said, going over to the kitchen counter to make his food.

"Physical therapy was definitely more difficult than I thought it would be, honestly. I didn't realize how much strength I'd lost. The physical therapist seems hopeful though, she said considering how long I was down that I was still in fairly good condition so it shouldn't take too long for me to recover."

"Good," I sat down, placing both our plates down, "You said you needed to talk to me?"

"Yeah," his eyes shifted nervously as he finished chewing the bit he had taken, "Dad and I were talking, and I realized through all of this the one thing I've never tried was attending a sober living. Normally I would go to detox first, but since my hospitalization already took care of that, I can go straight there. I found a men's house about an hour away, they have a bed open, if you're comfortable with that."

"What exactly is sober living? Would we still be able to see each other? I know it's been mentioned in the past and you've never been open to it." I responded, both nervous at the idea of him being that far away, and intrigued since this was coming from him as opposed to being forced by me.

"This specific house is long term. By coming to stay you are agreeing to at least a 6 month commitment but can stay longer if you choose. The first month I'm pretty severely restricted. No cell phone, no outside visitors, and I'll be sharing a room with three other men. I have to attend 30 meetings in 30 days, along with weekly therapy. I'll have curfew and house chores to abide by. After the first week, I'll be able to call and speak to you on the house phone, but I only have 30 minutes a day until earn more rights," Edward paused, cautiously leaning over to hold my hand, "I'm going to be honest. This scares the shit out of me. Outside of being released to go to physical therapy, it will be a very controlled environment at first. And the thought of not being home with you terrifies me, but I have to do something different for the both of us. What are you thinking?"

"Edward, I'm not going to tell you what to do. But don't not go because you think you need to be here for us to work. I love you, I wouldn't still be here if I didn't love you. If you think this is going to help you in your long-term sobriety, than I 100% support you, just make sure you're going there to focus on yourself," I stood up putting my plate in the sink, "I think I need the separation. At your mom's recommendation I'm going to see a therapist later this week. I don't know if anything will come of it, but I think I have some things of my own to work out before we can really start to work on us, as do you."

"Okay, so that means that there is the possibility of us working this out?"

I closed the distance between Edward and I, grabbing his face to look in his eyes I spoke, "Yes. I told you last night, this is our last chance. So you go and work on yourself, and I'll stay here and work on my own stuff. Sound like a plan?"

Edwards turned his cheek to my inside palm, kissing it, and responded, "It's a plan."

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Thanks for reading you all! Reviews let me know what you're thinking and how you're liking it. I've been blown away by your responses though, so thank you! I started writing this assuming NOBODY would be reading, so those of you tuning in each chapter make my day! See you in a few days! :)


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